Editors' note: Monica F. Helms is the president of the Transgender Americans Veterans Association.
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One of the most controversial subject matters in the transgender community has to do with when to tell a new or potential love interest about your trans status. Logic dictates that this question should be a "no-brainer," in a world where trans violence has become as common as rain. However, when talking about trans people in love, specifically trans women, one can flush logic down the toilet.
In a previous article, "Stuck in Loneliness", I pointed out the many things that make trans people lonely. From personal experience, I can tell you that the feeling of loneliness can be debilitating at times. For many trans women, anyone who comes along to take away that loneliness would be considered a golden find. For a post-op, to keep this person in their lives, they will spend hours of time and a great deal of energy justifying why they should not tell them about being trans. The fear of loneliness does that to them.
One of the biggest building blocks for any relationship, no matter what kind, would have to be "Trust." If you do not start off with trust, then the entire relationship will fail. Trust is the primary foundation for ALL relationships, but especially in the trans community. Why do some trans people feel immune from having to tell the truth to their new love? This does not make us look good overall.
Continue reading "When Do You Tell? " . . .
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